Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris

Its the All-Star break so no baseball, other than to mention due to the marathon HR derby, I did not get a chance to see the Bronx is Burning debut.

Crash Davis showed me this factoid on Chuck Norris from a music groups myspace page. Thought I'd pass it along:

Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Even More Shit About Chuck Norris!

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down


Yanks @ TB, Thursday 7/12

8 comments:

The Scooter said...

Jack Bauer would DESTROY Chuck Norris.

Anonymous said...

are you crazy?

Chuck Norris beat up Bruce Lee -

Who'd Bauer beat, Hakmir Hussein of the Crimson Jihad??

please

old professor said...

Yikes, now we are talking about Chuck Norris. By the way, Mid, you grandmother had a crush on him and watched his reruns religiously until the day she passed away at age 96.

Annon, Crimson Jihad comes from the movie True Lies (starring you got it ARNOLD and Jamie Lee Curtis) not from 24 with Jack Bauer. And if I am not wrong Bruce Lee was dead before Chuck Norris tried his first leg kick!

Okay time to leave the site - by the way who one the Home Run Derby.

Did anyone catch the Rock, Paper, Scissors championships on ESPN this week - what is the world coming to. ESPN now broadcasts this championship and the hot dog eating championship. Sports news has to be very slow this time of year.

Anonymous said...

the rock paper scissors contest drew higher ratings than the hvy weight championship fight on HBO -

and yes, Norris did face Lee in one of his first movies, and killed him dead.

The Scooter said...

Lee was a mere shell of himself when he faced Norris. At least Jack fights terrorists who are in their prime....and Jack would have DOMINATED the rock paper scissors competition.

Anonymous said...

Hughes makes rehap start 2 innings, 36 pitches, next start is AA ball.

Karstens making his next start for Single A - Trenton.

CrashDavis said...

I believe Norris was in his early 30's when Lee died. Jack wouldn't last 2 minutes against Chuck.

I would love for the Yanks to get both Hughes and Karstens back this month. Send Igawa packing to Scranton or Trenton. Did they move Chamberlain up to Scranton yet? If he keeps going he will earn a call up in Sept.

old professor said...

Just a quick note on a couple of the minor league pitchers: Chamberlain is 3-1 with an ERA of 2.60. In 27.2 innings he has struck out 48 batters and has a WHIP of 1.12. These are his states in Trenton. Has not been called to AAA as far as I know.

Ian Kennedy (the third of the no trade prospects) is 5-1 with an ERA of 2.43 wiht 43 strikeouts in 37 innings and a WHIP of 0.95. Lost in all of the discussions of Kennedy, Hughes and Chamberlain is the job Kevin Whelan (obtained in the Sheffield trade) is doing. He is also at Trenton and is 3-0 with an ERA of 2.90 with 40 strikeouts in 31 innings and a WHIP of 1.45.

Chamberlain and Kennedy will probably stay at Trenton and be called up in September to NY. There is some question about Chamberlains physical status. He is 6'3" and weighs 250 and has had occassional issues with his elbow. It was one of the reasons he was available to the Yankees with a Supplemental pick last year.

The one player that cannot be found on any of the minor league rosters is J. Brent Cox. He was the number one pick of the Yankees two years ago and pitched well last year. He was viewed as the closer of the future. However, he broke his hand in an altercation in January (sounds like Brian Taylor all over again) and missed being invited to Spring Training. He was supposed to be ready by the opening of the minor league season, but is not active at this point. Anyone hear anything on him??

ESPN is reporting the Yankees have notified Scott Boras they want to talk about a contract extension for A-Rod now. They have also reported the Yankees told Boras that if A-Rod walks at the end of the season, they will not be involved in the bidding for his services. (A-Rod has indicated he doesn't want to be distracted by contract talks, he just wants to concetrate on winning).

If this report is true, it can't sit well with Rivera or Posada, both of whom have been told no contract talks until the end of the season.

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